Kubla Khan

   It was a blast heavier than a dubstep’s bass, bashed through my being. The whole room jumped up in fright and finally woke me up. My heart thumped so hard until anxiety filled me up. I looked around, from a satisfied-with-life space I had to hit back to reality- the reality of a refugee camp.

   The blast had spilled blood around, the red of it mixed in orangish yellow-what a beautiful color to paint. Orangish yellow? Oh yes, the hue of the flames. Everything was on fire, our tents were made of cloth, remember? That is how refugee camps are, fragile and easy to destroy, just like our hopes.

I was in complete white, my clothes, my skin, the color of my camp, my sheet, my spirit. White is not peace, sometimes it reflects the lack of color, lack of life.

   I woke up and of thought of Kubla Khan, ‘In Xanadu did Kubla Khan./ A stately pleasure-dome decree’. Where was our Kubla Khan? Where is our Kubla Khan? 

Green Eyes

Green eyes, no, not green eyes. That was some creepy liquid inside that tube that they hit in my eye with an injection. Boom! Right into it. Didn’t even take a second. And I shivered like a hunted fish as the current ran through my body. I saw a white pigeon fly by the serene white clouds. White doesn’t always represent death. It’s all colors, together, like we were until I was diagnosed.

Dark smoke rising through, following the hippie trail, Kathmandu- Base Camp. That’s when I saw that spirit of a person I knew since many infinites before, at least that’s what I thought. You just know it, don’t you, when you see somebody like that?

Head tripping in slow motion as Coldplay plays the classic Yellow. And damn you are back to that sick green shot into your eye, trying to clear out the vibe of the person giving you that shot. And you just die, you don’t even need them to kill you when you see it was the same spirit of a person you thought you knew infinites ago. How sad!

To J

This is what you are called in my device. But don't words fall short for it?
Thank you for being with me in my worst and my best without any bias and impatience. I was always the priority when necessary for me. I never felt ignored and the only person to have made me feel beautiful about myself is you.
It's true that the prime reason I am with you is your cultural food :p nevertheless, the second reason is not the least, it being that I have unconsciously ingrained in myself your benevolent socially responsible qualities. I was never much bothered about doing the right thing as long as it didn't benefit me personally. The idea of truth and justice is what I've learnt from you. From you I've learnt a kindness that knows no bounds, a forgiveness which is granted too easily for good and an honesty which is not very typical of the human race today.
You made my dream of petting a lovely animal come true.
I've been selfish and mean to you a lot many times when I should have avoided it but you never returned the same.
I think you are a God sent to me so that I can have faith in what is  good and humble.
Thank you for being in my life.

YOU

This is going to be all about you. This is my way of publicizing myself to you cause I don't know any other way. And if there is, give me a sign. I'm desperately looking for one like Will Smith saw it in I am Legend, remember? Oh no, you didn't watch it.
Remember the long ridden horrible movie I made you watch forcefully? But as usual you had to leave early..and I was angry. Never mind, still loved you like forever.
I don't know if I ever told you this or not, you are beautiful and I loved you. I know you saw it in my actions when I never gave up on us while others did temporarily. I know you saw that. And I know you remembered that ALWAYS. That's why you forgave me later on cause you loved me.
I'm sorry I saw you less. I'm just sorry.
I know you're happy wherever you are. I wish I could have been there when you thought of me, even for a fraction of second, before going. I'm sorry I wasn't.
I'm sorry I couldn't...
I was planning on writing you in a beautiful fiction... in a fairy like idyll cause that is the best that would have suited you. I'm sorry I never expressed, took you for granted but I know I showed that I love you and you saw it. I'm still in denial, everybody else has accepted it. I don't know when I will.
Remember Virginia Woolf and her stream of thought? I am just following that right now.
Just read me..ok? just read me.
I LOVE YOU, forever. I'm never letting you go from my heart.
I'll try to write you better the next time..not giving up.

Not nothing, but a lot

Heaviness filled the vaccum in me a few minutes back, but now that I've got the music on, I feel light..almost hollow.
I'm just blabbering my thoughts out in words..would've written'em down in my Diary but I accidentally don't have it with me at the moment.
Nevermind, a change has taken place in me since the last one week, post my trip to the South. I see my mind has temporarily gone narrower, observing too tightly with a scrutinizing mind everything and everyone who acts unreasonable. There is a lot of negativity that has gotten into me all of a sudden, I almost despise myself for it. I wish I could be cheerful again. I know the root to all this negativity but it feels like I've reached the brim of my patience. I can't take no unworthy and unreasonable people no more. Only a few, other than my family, whom I love with all my heart, are the ones making the days tolerable for me. Thanks to you two guys.
Music is so comforting, I can't hate no more!

You Guys!

"Start writing", signaled the voice in my head to me.
Been months I haven't wrote a word, perhaps that is why I'm finding it a little hard to think deep into me to put it into words.
So I start writing, obeying the voice in my head, like a machine performs its function, objectively, when signaled to by the operator.
I don't have a particular emotion in my mind that I'd like you, reader, to empathize with but I'm just gonna state all that I've gone through these last 5 months of my happy life!
Was very scared to step on this new stone, but I had to and kept walking until I crossed all the inhibitions and reached my new found friends.
Oh yes! I know the Topic now, haha!
This post is dedicated to You Guys: Jayanth, Madhvi, Akansha, Prashant, Nitesh, Twishi and, somewhere, Manish.
No matter all the misunderstandings we've gone through or might go through in the future, I know we will come out victorious with our ever-living friendship. We might assume that some of us are not as equally dedicated to 'us' as some of us are, nevertheless you must notice that we are still together- happily.
I don't want to write anything to overwhelm you guys, (the tool I usually use to make my writings look interesting :p), but would only like to thank you for being together up-till now.
I don't need to repeat the fun and fights we all must have experienced among ourselves, since I'm pretty sure of the nostalgia we all are going to go through after our batch passes out!
All I'm going to mention is the fact that you guys have, presently, occupied a very important part of my life which I don't think anyone will ever be able to procure.
YOU ALL WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.
P.S. All we need is a room provided with weed, alcohol and cigarettes and I bet we could spend our whole lives making fun of Manish in there, haha!

And since I could not find any picture with all of us together, here is a video with all of us 'technically' together where I am recording the video in my phone and you all are giving away a message to Madhvi :D

An Encounter between Past and Present

“Look at the smoke”, said I and kept saying it until I could say it no more. No one looked at me as I stumbled on my way to the restroom. My friends were too lost in the music to notice me leave and I was too drunk to make’em notice me leave.

Fortunately the lights weren’t too bright when I entered the restroom; saved me from the sudden pinch I usually feel in my head. The room looked empty to me as I sat on the floor, right in front of the big mirrors on the wall. I felt an urge to puke and thought I was gonna pass out until, surprisingly, this little girl of about 10 years old ran before me into this dark corner of the room. Curious, I followed her into the corner where she tried to reach the sink and wash her hands covered with mud.

Appalled by the possibility of how they could let a little girl enter a night club, I convinced myself that I was hallucinating. So I went back to the lightened part of the room and sitting on the floor once again, anxiety filled me up; I realized I was sweating and wanting so desperately to scream, I couldn’t open my mouth. Maybe I was asleep and all this was a dream, but why would I need this to be a dream? What was so bad about this situation? No, there was no sunshine, no birds singing but only darkness, and this darkness seemed so usual and familiar that it didn’t scare me. There was nothing negative about it.

Perhaps it was the possibility of the unusual presence of the little girl that bothered me. Hoping my initial doubts of hallucinating to be confirmed, I went to the same dark corner once again only to see her standing frozen like a rock, shivering, wanting so desperately to scream but I guess she couldn’t open her mouth, while a strange dirty huge man did whatever he wanted to do with her, using her however it suited his evil purpose.

Not being able to believe what I saw, I puked, ran out of that cursed place and dropped myself on the floor in front of the mirrors looking at myself in one of’em. I couldn’t even tolerate the stare of my own reflection at myself, nevertheless I kept staring back at it until I finally saw her, the poor little girl replace my reflection, and that is when I recognized her in myself.